B”H
This week, we read Parshat Vayeira (וירא) … basically, a huge amalgamation of tests
bestowed unto Abraham. After all of Abraham’s good deeds in the previous parshah,
you’d think G-D would have trusted this guy by now. But noooooo….
Begin rant:
After having his entire family put in danger in some way or another
in the previous week’s reading, now Abraham has to help out three random people
who show up at his dwelling, act as a defense attorney for the city of Sodom
which has been destined for ruin (hello, G-D, what happened to not obliterating
things because of imperfection...so much for Your apology in the story of
Noah), fear for his life because Sarah is taken to King Abimelech’s palace, and…oh
yeah…is told directly from G-D to kill the son for whom he and Sarah prayed so desperately
despite Sarah’s inability to conceive.
And this man—Abraham—just does it all without any hesitation.
Um…WHAT?!?!?!?! HOW?!?!?!?! How does a man have such unrestrained
trust and faith to do all of this (ESPECIALLY TO POTENTIALLY KILL HIS OWN FLESH
AND BLOOD?)
EDIT: (I forgot to warn my readers that the Binding of Isaac in
this section is worthy of its own blogpost in terms of my struggle to understand
this story religiously, spiritually, morally, and philosophically…back to this
week’s post).
What impresses me is Abraham’s determination to be a servant to
G-D. And I think that this fact needs a bit of teasing out to fully understand
why his actions are admirable, even in today’s society.
We all have goals, and we all seek to obtain them—educational,
recreational, career, life…our personal worlds are based upon the dreams we
have for our life. The previous parshah encouraged us to find our way
down a path of our choosing (and perhaps stumble and question ourselves along
the way). But how much we really invest in our goals determines our level of
success.
For Abraham, following the word of G-D was his modus operandi
to seek favor in G-D. He had a goal, found a way to achieve it, and succeeded.
Now, take a second to think about your goals. What are they? Can
you concretely say them or are they kinda vague? Do you have a plan to achieve
them? If so, have you started or are you procrastinating? Are your efforts
towards achieving those goals effective and/or meaningful? Are your goals…really
yours? Are they really what you want to see in your life?
Heavy questions, I know. As I hold few secrets about myself (behind
the computer screen or in person), I must say I was faced with these questions
this week. After countless hours of studying my brains out for anatomy, the
results of my exams were not-so-stellar. I was hurt, confused, angry,
frustrated, disappointed, self-loathing, introverted, and scared. Why did I
even seek to enter medicine in the first place if I cannot remember the basics
of innervations, muscle movements, and other things in my anatomy course? Did I
choose the right school? Am I cut out for medicine? Did I choose my life’s
ambitions incorrectly?
The answer is that I chose my life correctly…but, I need to
dedicate myself MORE to my career if this occupation is something I truly wish
to enter. Quantity of hours does not translate into quality (a lesson well
learned these past few weeks). All I've been doing is spinning my wheels...the drive and motivation to seek is definitely present, but I'm getting nowhere fast. My next step is to figure out how to make
the hours that I have work for me most effectively…and make a concrete
scheduling to which I will stick. And
reaching out to the amazing community at my medical school…I am truly fortunate
to be in a class of such amazing people ready to help out one another.
Abraham serves as an ideal for attaining goals that perhaps no
human will ever achieve. Through detailed goalsetting, scheduling, and seeking
help from others, I know that I’ll pass anatomy, succeed in all my coursework,
and find my way through the craziness of medical school. Parshat Vayeira
has given me the courage to combat next week’s material with determination…and
a plan this time.
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